Since he started housemanship i think? you see, we've been on 5 long years of long distance relationship. no doubt we werent married at the time but that was when we reached the 2 year mark - when everything was still in bloom, still trying to get to know about one another and our families, but already committing so much. i remembered i had such a hard time taking in the "baby, i got Dublin. i'll be flying there next month...but i'll come back in the summers.." i went into a sort of breakdown. i cried the whole night he left for the first time. i waited and waited till he gets his internet phone organized. call once a month, then once in 2 weeks, til calls every night. i went a bit crazy in uni, bleached my hair and explore those scanty clothes. that was the semester i almost failed and had to repeat, missing by 0.01 cgpa. and yes, also because i'm a dramatic person like that.
So that was roughly it.
When he got his housemanship i was dead worried. but i guess God was on my side..after taking him away for 5 long years and loads of tearful nights....He sent daddy Radzli to the same hospital i work at. then we got married and all was good. but my hospital doesn't keep their trainee doctors. which again, has caused me to worry almost every single day for the past year.
Today we got news of his posting as a medical officer.
"Baby, I got Sarawak."
"Tipu.cepatlaa." (same statement i gave him 7 years ago)
"Hehehe. best gile! i got PDN.."
A different answer this time. an answer that has put me to rest, finally, after many many months.
Last 7 years was "yes sayang, its true..i'm so sorry...but it's for the best."
But this time...Alhamdulillah.
Our baby will have a daddy to watch her grow. a husband to witness with me our baby's first turn on chest, first cruise, first smile, first word.
God knows how much i have wanted this, more than money, more than an LV bag. how long i have been praying for this. How many sleepless nights just thinking about it a few weeks ago. i mean..this isnt me being selfish. i really don't mind him getting other places but the process of transferring me to where he is will take super long time. you how our government is. that period of time is just too painful to endure again. yes i'm weak like that, but i think i've been strong long enough. and that's enough:)
So that's all i have today. I can never thank Allah for more.