Before tia was borned i was determined to breastfeed her exclusively. but here's a reality check after she arrived- i cud only manage to produce max 2.5 oz from both boobs during the day. and i know they said baby cud pull out more milk than the pump..tia never seems to come off the breast satisfied. which tells me that i dont have enough in these babies.
I was stressed out for awhile on this breastfeeding issue. at times i got real mad cuz i really wanted to do it and worked hard for it but efforts were not returned by a decent supply. most of my malay friends insisted me to be strong and continue. some of the non malays say 'eh u dont supplement with formula isit?'
Why i keep on trying till this very day even though i have started supplementing with formula is not the money issue anymore, which used to be before she was borned. it's the bond between me and tia. now im not quite sure if its the mother daughter bond or the boobs-filled-with-milk and daughter bond. but it feels great anyway to have a person who needs u so much.
Breastfeeding is nonetheless something yg dituntut oleh Allah to feed your child till she/he is 2 years old. but then again breastmilk is a rezeki that's provided by Him for every child. if supply is fated to be not enough, despite of these many efforts by mom, the main focus now is only to feed your child. with no matter what. ibu susuan is just something i cant do or accept. so i'm letting the cows be a supplemental ibu susuan for tia.lol.
Since i've made up my mind to breastfeed the best i can afford for 3 months only, these are some of the things that i find uncomfortable with breastfeeding. i hope none of those hardcore breastfeeding mothers will come after me:
1. The lactation nurses in the hospital said that tia has very good latching. but i believe not since my nipple hurt for almost a month of repeated feeding. even till this day.
2. When pumping, nipples swell the size of a babyboy's penis (from what i see in the transparent funnel thing). what a turnoff to hubby. and remained swollen, itchy and a little stingy after a pumping session. and this gave me a funny painful feeling when i wear my bra straightaway after.
3. High suction gave me what seemed like fungal infection symptoms once upon a time. electric like shooting pains from the nipples all over my breasts. so painful i cudnt sleep. so painful i cudnt take care if tia. lucky it wasnt the real fungal infection.
4. I put my boobs to work every 2 hours at first. alternating the pump and direct feed. so i was either tied up to the machine or the baby for the entire day.
5. Each direct feeding session takes about an hour in the early days. during the day i cud sit longer. enjoy the baby or while FBing on my fone. but when u've been doing that the entire day, when night comes and you're tired and sleepy and tied to a chair with ur baby...somehow i just started to feel restless and annoyed.
6. Yesterday when i was out organizing the sentul house, my dad called telling me Tia refused formula milk. she was crying for breastmilk. am totally loving the attachment but does that mean when i go back to work she wont wanna eat?
7. If i'm outside for many hours, my boobs feel engorged with milk. really need to pump out. the other day i was already worried of mastitis cuz i was at ikea without my pump or baby and it really hurts. no kidding. balik terkapai2 suruh tia feed cepat2 and lama2.
8. If i breastfeed, i will worry about my milk supply..when the fact is, milk supply will decrease at some point of time. during PMS or stress times for example.
9.I dont really fancy lugging around my pump to work. and everytime i pump at home i wonder how is it possible to pump in public even with a poncho and the loud sound of the pump motor. plus my hospital does not have a proper place to pump. kalau ade pun kat surau, and ull be co-pumping with many others. awkward.
10.I cant eat a lot of food. dahla my favorites are ones that can cause colic to the baby. kesian baby.
Dont get me wrong...these are all feel good reasons for me deciding to breastfeed tia in such a short duration. i am willing to commit and sacrifice all the 10 reasons above but as i say, back to my reality check, i dont really have much to start with. and it bugs and stressed me so much that i ended up crying one night. so what's the point of continuing if it makes me unhappy? unhappy mom could not enjoy her baby well. i want to be happy. and i definitely would be very sad to forgo this particular bond when the time comes but..i have to remember that there are just many other ways.
And to make myself feel better even more, i was breastfed only for a week and hey, i don't turn out that bad and i wasnt sick as a child. :)
on another note..