Once i had this dream of staying at home fulltime to take care of my kids-ensure that i'll be there to send them off to school and at home when they get back..just like mom.i didnt want my kids to come back from school,open the door themselves,heat up lunch on their own while mummy's at work-like some of my friends.but u know,u cant have it all.
i am worried that if i let other people take care of tia, she'll get more attached to that person,more than me.i dont want her to trust anybody else but me and her daddy. cuz i've seen kids who cry for their maids, when their own mom is at the scene.but u know,u cant have it all.
That's why right now when im still in my maternity leave,i'm trying to bond as much as possible with tia.things dont get easier by the day..she gets very fussy nowadays.when she's sleepy almost all the positions we use to cradle n rock her in our arms seems not comfortable for her.she'll cry n cry till she gets tired.i'm exhausted.and i feel like i'm a failure mom for not knowing how to help her or calm her down.n i feel it so much when she cries in my arms n sometimes quiets down in another person's arms.
is tia colicky? or is she tired of looking at my face 24/7? i dont know.
i dont like it when my mom told me tia always likes to yell at me.suka marah mummy dia.but thats how she cries from day one. loud yells.
i want to give more to tia.i want to carry her when she feels restless.play with her.cradle her everytime she wants to sleep.but i have aches n pains all over my body.my knees from carrying her while getting up from sit to stand.my back n shoulders from hunching forward from feeding her or probably from cesarean adhesion..my hamstrings frm sitting cross legged long time cradling her.im still recovering from my cesarean wound. so much obstacles.
i dont really know whats the point of this post.perhaps im just exhausted.mentally,physically.i'm not complaining bout how tough things are.i just wish i cud give my best.by saying that i mean it by heart.not like when i say ill give my best to my daily job.thats just bull.this is real.
geez think im going nuts.
|how she prefers to sleep nowadays.|