it's friday.5 days since i got back to work after maternity leave.yeah i survived.reluctantly survived wud be a better description.
i have to say we're lucky that my mom is willing to take care of tia while i'm at work.she told me,"never quit your job like me..you need to have ur own buying power".
But being brought up by a full time mom..one who dresses us up for school, one who picks us up from school n vice versa, make sure lunch is ready for us when we get home and tuck us into bed at night...yes it may sound like slaving up for your children but somehow when i appreciate it so much at this moment.
My husband on the other hand,grew up with a working mother. he came home from school by bus,holds the key to his home and opened the door himself,heat up lunch in the microwave and mummy will come home at 5 ish in the evening.he's been trying to convince me that it's ok,things went fine for him and he's sure that tiana will be fine n grow up nicely too.
Everything we do in life somehow or other follows our parents examples.kiranya macam kita kan kain putih dulu,that was how our parents painted us. now that i'm a mom,the moment i started work..it hurts me to kiss her goodbye while she's fast asleep in our bed in the morning and leaving her like that. i want to be there when she opens her eyes like i did the past 3 months.i want to be there to witness her first smile of the day. just like what my mom did. and even though i do get frustrated when i fail to cuddle or cradle her to sleep..nothing feels more frustrating than to leave the house when your child is asleep and comes back late in the evening.
I have made it a must to bathe Tia every evening when i come back from work.no matter how late..630,700pm. i want to do it cuz that's the only way i get to bond with her after leaving her for 8 hours.since she loves her bathtime..at least i get to play with her. all troubles seem to go away when i see her kicking happily in the water.
It has been a long week. work has been shitty and it has only been my first week. ive been working at the same institute,same unit and doing the same task for 3 years in a row.i feel so jaded and bored.asked to be transferred to a satellite but chief is being very rigid about it altho i know the satellite pharmacies need people. so yeah.story of my life.i'm filling in that transfer form to test my luck.wana ask to work somewhere without oncalls.
I cried on the way to work this morning. in the car. i'm not enjoying life right now. i have to find a way to earn how much i do now without having to leave her so long. i dont mind not doing pharmacy based work anymore. i'm not as passionate in it to start with. so..wish me luck? lol.