Adhesions. Blood loss. Healing. which will not take only 2 weeks but 9 whole months to a year and the scar can still be felt. cant stretch much. cant wear jeans n leggings comfortably. that loose flap (although this one maybe semua org pun ada).
39 weeks and 4 days today, and had my 'last' appointment with Dr Ashar this morning.
In 7 days, baby RJ has gained 400-500gm. measured 3.3kg. But he palpated my tummy and said "hm..maybe a bit smaller than that...3kgs?we can give it another week to wait for contractions. baby is not engaged yet too".
I have read somewhere on a pro VBAC fb group that Dr Ashar is listed as one of the doctors who is pro natural. Which is why i understand that he's giving another week and another to wait for the contractions. what is good also, is that he doesnt do unnecessary VEs and CTG. i havent had one til this day. He will let u try, but i am sure he knows the rate of failure.
My MRI last week showed small pelvic outlet, small everything. at that time baby was 2.8kg, so perhaps he could be a bit smaller than that, or a bit bigger if we want to take the risk. After asking him for his opinion, he told us, logically, by fact....my pelvic is too narrow for the baby, baby is not yet engaged, baby may be too big to pass through, the same emergency might just happen when i had tia. I myself am afraid to take the risk, honestly...i just want my birthing experience to be a better one than the last time..that is all..and knowing him, being in this field for so many years..i dont know, i just trust him and his knowledge..
So we decided on a planned csection this friday afternoon.
I walked out of the clinic, oddly without mixed feelings. redha. i do wish i could do the normal birth thing and recover fast so i can do a lot more with 2 kids but perhaps this is my fate, and i have to work around it. ive been through it. i should be able to do it again this time. some people say the pain is worse 2nd time csect, but i was reassured that i will be getting the same pain management as the last time - PCA morphine for the first 24hrs then tapered off with NSAIDs. shud b alright i hope. my friends were all on oral painkillers only.
Perhaps one more sign or blessing (i hope) is that Tia is clingy, not with me but with her dad. when both of us are around she wants her dad to do everything. right from bathing feeding n everything else. I have to admit that i feel very very hurt..but perhaps it's Allah's way to help me out when RJ comes. she'll come back to me. i hope. if not...perhaps RJ will be my (mommy's) boy. if tak jugak...malas la nak pikir berhenti kerja. pandai2 la korg. hahhahah. bengang ok. (excuse my crazy thinking..my guts will be open and exposed in 3 days so i am allowed to. hah..hah)
However, i've been having mild tolerable pain contractions the whole of last night and some mucus discharge this morning...so see, it's good that we fixed it to be on friday..to give way if there is any
intense contractions at all that may lead to a normal delivery in between today (monday) and friday.
Fate belongs to Allah. I believe in cases like childbirth, the decision is always His and we are in no place to go against His plans. whether its normal birth or csection, our safety, everything belongs to Him. May Allah make it easy for us this Friday (hari baik, insyaAllah)..amin.