Wednesday, December 4, 2013


It's day 12 postpartum for me, and i'm still adapting to be a mother of two.
At time of writing my new little angel is sound asleep after a good bathe and a feeding, and my other pretty little angel is running round and round in her grandparents room. I'm having my confinement dinner which consist of rice, pegaga, ikan haruan bakar, and sup sawi.

I am currently adapting to:

1. Recuperation after a traumatic event of Postpartum Hemorrhage.
Yup. I've never thought that it would happen to me, but just like my mom, now i have something to tell my kids, especially Riz if he turns out to be difficult in the future : "Mommy almost bled to death for you, little boy".

Bleeding like tapwater and fainting one too many times in my entire life has left me pretty traumatized, yet again. this should probably be noted in another post. the event haunted me even after all procedures are done and settled. I keep on remembering what happened and broke down in husband's comforting hug, one day after.

As the aftermath, now my diet consists of lots of hati and limpa and hematinics cuz we refused transfusion and my red blood cells are at a very very low level. and my mom has been stricter with the bed rest and pantang thingy.

2.  The pains of breastfeeding
Breastfeeding again after failing quite miserably (but not as guiltily) with Tia. everything is like first time. But this time i tried my best not to express til at least a month. at least that was my intention...until i got re-hospitalized because of the hemorrhage. the night after the vacuum d&c procedure thing itself i had to express milk cuz i was terribly engorged. the milk was probably full with all the anaesthesia and antibiotics but i gave it to riz anyway. he had a 3-4oz total of formula already by that time but now has resumed full bf.

My nipples hurt so bad cuz i think Riz doesnt latch that well. I'm still waiting for them nips to toughen up and I find Medela breast softshells super d awesome. helps with the healing:)

3. Tia being big sister
Tia has been taking it pretty well. some days in a split second when we werent looking, she will shake her adik's playpen as strong as she can. ooo bahaye..takyah beli buai pun leh dapat shaken baby syndrome. but she didnt take it as bad as i did when my brother arrived. apparently i wanted to claw out my brother's eyes and spewed tantrums everywhere. But Tia having her daddy's genes have been very patient. she could play independently and even lent one of her favourite pillows to Riz, calling it 'Riz's pillow'. I in the mean time tried to give her as many hugs as i cud when Riz is sleeping and change her diapers whenever i can and play with her upstairs. 

4. Confinement & Healing
Confinement wasnt bad at all at first...until the hemorrhage happened. then i got a bit paranoid. not only me, but people around me. I am not allowed to move much anymore, or eat anything simply anymore. I get paranoid when lochia came out flowing in the shower, afraid that it would happen again. As for healing..stitches are good. after the procedure, doctor somehow repaired them nicely. I really hope the vjj stil could do what its meant to do when its all healed. hehe. I'm still glad though, that healing is as fast as 2 weeks rather than 9 months when I had a csect. if i was destined to have a csect..i probably stil wont be able to cuddle with Tia up til now.alhamdulillah.

I'm still not ready to post about my postpartum hemorrhage experience, but when I do, I will post it up.
By the way, today is our 4th Wedding Anniversary. I love my husband. he's my soulmate, and the best father our children could have ever ask for. Thank you bie for being most patient with me all these years, help me through my struggles, always a shoulder to cry on, and a listening ear. Here's to legal year number 4, and many more years to come...til both of us are old and white and hopefully right through to Jannah, InsyaAllah.

Til then, cheers everyone:)



  1. uihh..ngilu i rasa baca the word hemorrhage. take care.
    btw, nice new layout! and happy 4th anniversary :) suddenly i remember during my wedding preps, i stumbled upon your wedding picture in blue songket captured by sue anna joe? kot?is it you? i rs mcm u. i was like lawanyaaaaa baju niiiii. hehe. tatau pulak its you. bila tgk balik muka. i still adore the blue songket hehe

    1. was scary for me too..thanks! dah boring dgn colour green n yellow. yeah haha that was us:) actually baju tu i design lain but keluarnye i didnt expect people to like it..but they do! hehe thanks again!


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