I think I'm going to fail breastfeeding again.
I know i have to be positive, milk is always there, breast is best yada yada yada.
But every single day since i came back from the 2nd admission I have trouble with breastfeeding.
One day its sore nipples, next day clogged ducts. then rewind.every single day.
RJ's latching is very lousy as well.
I wish i am as laidback as my mom....she breastfeeds up to 6months. "kalau tak cukup, ok bagi la formula. kalau cukup sampai leaking2 bagi la baby suck. ma tak pernah la plak sampai tersumbat2 macam ni"
Perhaps all three of us did not have a problem with latching?
Just got out from a hot shower. it's 11pm. was massaging my boobs to push this stonelike clog towards the nipple. praying hard. minutes before that i was pumping away with cabbage leaves pasted on the clog, then my mom helped warm compress it with a hot towel while i pump.
I cant do this everyday.
And cant be complaining to husband everyday. because his respond the other day was "what do u expect me to do?just 3 months ok, 3 months." yes, so that's my 'strength' talking. the strength which just discouraged me even more. do u know that at this point 3 months is ridiculous for me?
I am going to try. I'll call over the masseus tomorrow. if these problems still arise...then ill be expressing til theres no more milk and am going to fully bottle feed RJ.
Some of you might think "kesian gila anak2 dia" as u read this....but hello. a sane mom raises happy kids ok. no use pushing on the breastmilk when mommy needs to pop an antidepressant along the way.