As ladies, we all take a lot of initiative to look nice. or at least pleasant for the eyes to see. we spend thousands on a gym membership, for a facial package. hundreds on make up. spend all our allowances on a spa trip. this body scrub,that herbal bath. All for one reason: vanity.
Now I wasn't exactly built super skinny. I was in between chubby and normal sized til i was form 5. I have a 'full' kinda face and I hated my thighs. my grandma used to call me dinnerplate face when i was younger. then i took up Bharatanatyam as an elective in UM cuz all the other dance classes were full. that was when I got skinny. since then I've been joining all sorts of dance and spent my long distance relationship with my then boyfriend going to rehearsals after rehearsals for dance shows and I got even skinnier. and yes, its unhealthy but being skinny gives me hell of a lot of confidence.
And then I had Tia. I was 43kg pre preggers, went up to 58kg and came back down to 47kg. more like stuck at 47kg even though I finished all my savings on that Bodytone regime, til we got pregnant with RJ. Now post delivery, the scale still shows 47kg but now i'm beginning to doubt the accuracy of that scale.
I have heard that 2nd pregnancy baby weight is harder to get rid of compared to the first. Well yes i do not have that piece of disgusting tummy hanging over my csect scar like i did the first time around..but this muffin top. these thighs..wheres my thigh gap? and i can feel my thighs rubbing each other when i walk it disgusts me. my face looks rounder again. i have a dinnerplate face again. my high school chubbiness is back and probably here to stay cuz hey. nobody wants to hire a 30 yr old dancer with 2 kids. and if they do.....do i have the heart to leave my kids and go for these long rehearsals just so i cud hav my body back?
Some people love to state the obvious. people who comment on fb, relatives, husband.
"You nampak berisi sekarang. lama tak jumpa"
"You make sure you turunkan badan sikit. dh nampak besar sikit"
"Bie.besar ni lengan ni"
number 1. what do u expect me to answer to the first comment?
number 2. husbands should never comment on how different ur wife's body is cuz all these changes are technically our sacrifice for you?
Bukan mengungkit.....its just that......its a major sacrifice. and the least he could do is to tell me something less mean. even though its just.a.joke. a lady's vanity is no joke. dont you know to some people it even leads to anorexia nervosa?
So these few days i tried to starve myself. yeah i could totally eat a whole bowl of broccoli for dinner. segenggam pasta in soup for a meal. salads. after two days i got a bit stressed and started rummaging through my mom's new mini fridge for some chocolates to make me feel better.
Back to square one.
So how to lose weight?
I'm not good at dieting.
I dont like to leave my kids under people's care so that i could go to the gym.
I cant dance anymore cuz my memory sucks and i think im too old for it.
Biar je lah. tapi nanti husband cari org lain camne?
hai tak tau lah.