Thursday, March 6, 2014

Secondary Postpartum Hemorrhage - Fate or carelessness? (Part 2)

Excuse the part 2...i had to break it cuz one of the kids woke up while i was typing:)
6 days old Riz sleeping before I left to be warded again

I woke up from the deep sleep shivering in the recovery room. these shivers are so exhausting. had it after i delivered tia, after delivering riz, and then at that time. exhausting! i was then wheeled back into the my hospital room on the maternity floor.

My boobs hurt pretty bad at the time.. it was around 12am.i had a pretty good supply back then, and riz has not been drinking since 6pm. I didnt know how to marmet yet so husband had to go home to get my breastpump. i also did not buy an electric one cuz i was trying to establish a good supply. straight out of the OT, i manually pumped away for the first time. 5oz. on day 6. that made me smile through my current ordeal. then i placed it in front of me and almost weeped. that bottle was full with antibiotics and drugs from the procedure:( i didnt know whether to throw or just feed him that bottle. my parents had to feed him s26 at home. i was upset by this too...i imagined breastfeeding journey this time to be better but its even worse than tia's:( but cant do much...it was all emergency.
This was me pumping for the first time and jakuning over how much i could pump at 6 days postpartum, after wheeled out of OT.

I was told that I was transfused only 1 pint of blood despite a lot of loss. my levels came in the next morning. 6.8. and the doctor recommended to transfuse another 2 pints. we refused and said that we wanted to work it up on our own using hematinics and diet. i always doubt the blood packs. they were not from family...and ive heard of a lot of donors with false negative hiv and hep.

I was pretty disabled after the procedure.....wanted to use the bathroom but the first thing i felt when sitting up was dizziness. i felt nauseas. then i saw stars. husband told me to move reaally slow from lying down to sitting and standing. i tried standing up and i saw more stars. geez. cant move. he had to assist me all the way to the bathroom. as i stood up from the toilet bowl the next thing i knew i was on the floor. luckily my husband waited for me. he grabbed me by the arms to prevent me from falling. I passed out. really lacking of blood.

My mind kept on replaying last night's terror, being drenched and literally swimming in my own blood on the trolley bed.. i was psychologically affected by the experience. but i tried to act like everything's alright. i told my husband it's a good thing this happened without involving the baby. he is healthy at home. and i only had to face this on my own. i was really thankful for that. i'd rather this than a stillbirth nauzubillah. through the night, my husband kept on calling my name from time to time to make sure that i didnt pass out without him knowing.

The doctor explained that there was indeed a little bit of retained placenta, not much, and not much clot found when he went in. he repaired one of the stitches which came off, maybe due to the VE conducted last night. fate or carelessness? Allahualam. my doctor still gets a lot of respect and trust from me..he has done a lot for us. but the nurses of Ampang Puteri. If they have notified the doctor earlier...i would have been able to avoid the transfusion. the doctor would not have spent a longer time in the cafe eating knowing that it was an emergency. my husband and i feel like they could actually do a lot more for me.

One more incident is about breastmilk. you know how hard it is to pump manually? i actually spent a whole hour to get 4-5oz of milk for riz that time, and my fingers ached. there wasnt any fridge in the room so i had to call the nurse everytime after im done pumping so they could put it in their fridge, which i assumed on the same floor or their pantry, whichever. little did i know they actually sent my bottles to the nursery and the morning after when i asked them to get it back for me so that my husband can bring them home..they took around an hour to get back to us. and after that guess what they told me?

 "takde pun puan. ada satu botol je dalam fridge tu."

My face instantly turned black. i was super angry. "hah?what do u mean ada satu je botol susu? saye bagi 3 yang dua lagi mana??takkan bagi kat baby lain kot? dah label besar2 kan?!"

and what seemed like hours after...the nurse brought me my two bottles of liquid gold.
"Ni ha..org nursery tersalah susun."

No apology. nothing.

That's Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital for you. breastfeeding hospital, so called. nurses not trained well to manage patients' expressed breastmilk. one even asked me "boleh tak kumpul2 pump susu dalam satu botol?jadi tak payah saya nak hantar nursery banyak2 kali" 

Anyways. this is not about nurses negligence of Ampang Putri. kalau management terbaca....silalah train balik nurse2 hospital ok. I went there not because its a private hospital, but for the doctor. if he was in HKL and would see me personally, i would go to HKL. I dont mind going to HKL because i was ready for csect anyway.i can even choose it electively. but i just want that doctor to deliver my baby. for personal reasons.

Having gone through postpartum hemorrhage after a very pleasant delivery really changed my perspective on normal birth and trust in any hospitals at all. both birth experiences were traumatic to me. and for that i am very very grateful to be gifted with a boy and a girl to complete my family and we (or I, for that matter) decided that this is it. I'm gonna pay my fullest attention to these two lent angels until they dont need me anymore and then honeymoon balik dengan hubby or travel around the world with hubby. or jaga cucu plak. :D For that, i appreciate tia's toddler naughtiness more now cuz i know i wont be seeing a repeat and i am loving every inch and every smile of riz because he is my very last baby. insyaAllah.

Not trying to scare you mommies to be readers...just perhaps make sure your doctor is aware that you are concerned about this retained placenta thingy so that maybe theyll remember to be more careful while delivering your baby and managing you. and guys, if u can grab a specialist to take care of you in the gov hosps...please go there. at least i know they handle emergencies way better than the private hospitals. if you're concerned bout the rate of csect in the gov hospitals....if ure asking me..my answer is now that ive gone thru both i feel perhaps going under the knife is better. at least placenta habis cuci, risk of hemorrhoids and uterine prolapse pun kurang. dengar macam remeh but these two risks are like...very life distorting ok. alah apa2 pun asalkan labour, delivery. its a fight. to bring out a new life and to fight for your own. otherwise it would not be a syahid deed. its the same level as people who died being bombed in syria. that brutal. us women..we are just strong. and i think our guys should appreciate and love us more. if not.........xpayah la susah2 bertarung nyawa nak kasi diorg anak.hehe (sempat). 

Sorry its such a long post. last but not least, everything is fated. All these experiences are written for you by God. cant prevent it if its already written in the clouds for you. just pray hard. really, really hard that u'll be ok.

As for me now....compulsory to get serious in this family planning thing. 

Till then:)

x








5 comments:

  1. ya allah, entah bagi sape2 susu kita, boleh buat remeh temeh camtu..so bad services from private..tak sepatutnya, huu..tp itulah dah tertulis bahagian masing-masing, btw we're really supermom..take care

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    1. haha tau tak pe....rasenye gi private more of for individual attention ngn doctornye...nurses memang i forever support kkm punye haha

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  2. gosh.. seriau nya baca.. meremang satu bdn. gulp. thank god now u r recover already.. haish nurse ni.. sama je dgn nurse KPMC puchong. tak well trained sgt :(

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    1. thanks hehe...ok ok la....tapi cm malas nak pregnnt blk haha boleh ke. boleh la. nnt masuk iud ke ape :D

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  3. Allahuakbar. What an experience Sabby!

    I just read this post. Had had csect for my first delivery, was hoping for vbac for the second one. I didn't know there was such thing. Ingatkan bila org duk support "Go Vbac! Go Vbac!" it was without risk as such. Thank you for posting such an informational piece dear. You gave us moms a thumbs up to watch out whatever will happen out there.

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