Saturday, January 9, 2016

Riz hospitalized - Do we have the right to complain?

It has been quite a whirlwind week for our family. Riz was warded for a total of 7 days and had to be put on a multiple and high end antibiotics. His fever just wont subside and the bacteria are going on strong in that little body of his. I lost count of how many suppositories we inserted sampai dr trauma jadi dah biasa pulak dia.

So far he was diagnosed with bacterial enteritis. it started off with tummy cramps, on and off. there werent any diarrhea and vomiting. just cramps which could be mistaken as gas. we brought him for an ultrasound to rule out intussusception, which was scary because apparently by prevalence many 2 year old boys are susceptible to it. and his fever did not subside for days.did blood test, and his white blood cell count is sky high. his neutrophils read red light under the microscope. we had to surrender him to the hospital. some more tests were done and all are inconclusive, came back negative. It leaves us with this unsettled, paranoid feeling that the cramps may recur..

It hurts to see your normally active little boy suddenly just lay around on the bed overtaken by lethargy. to see a good eater refusing to eat anything at all. to see the iv line inserted in the back of his tiny hand. I had to be there, to calm him down. So I had to look fearless. but I was crumbling inside. Every night as I lay next to his burning hot little body, I pray that everything will be okay and that we will be given a chance to spend more time with our little angel. and tears do fall sometimes, as I wonder maybe I deserve this test, maybe I did something wrong.

Allah is great. by fate, a close friend of mine whose son is Riz's classmate at the Little Gym was also warded just a few doors away. They stayed for the entire week too, and we visit each other everyday. It means that He listens, He knows our level of handling this burden and He sends someone to keep us sane. Maha Besar, He is.

I always believe each test has its reasons. As i lay next to Riz in my his hospital bed..i ask myself some questions:

Have we been thankful, grateful enough?
We are gifted with 2 beautiful children, and yes they may use up every ounce of energy you have. Do you know that there are people out there who pray and pray for their own children but are never granted? and that there are children who are lent only a little while by Him and taken back?

Do we have the right to complain? 
I admit, I do complain about the amount of hours husband was expected to put in for work. It's insane, and honestly I feel like a single mother all the time. I get statements like this at family events sometimes -"where's your husband?oh wait, dont tell, i know. he's at work!" why yes, don't have to ask. but I don't have the right to complain because in another household, another wife grieves her husband's passing, struggles to cope on a dying husband, or just plainly being cheated when she gives her 100% trust to her husband. My tests are nothing compared to them.

Have I forgotten to ask Him for help? Because Allah listens, no matter how jahil you are.
I always hold on to "God gives the greatest burden only to his toughest soldiers" and that "Allah will never burden a soul more than it can bear". and also, "With hardship, there is relief". Coincidentally, a close friend of ours are admitted selang 2 rooms down the hall.Without her, 7 days in the hospital will probably drive me insane.

Riz eventually got well after 2 kinds of antibiotics. Alhamdulillah. Life is back to normal. a new start, another chance to improve what we lack of in the beginning. It is the beginning of a new year as well, and I hope nothing more than more family time, just like any other year. I wish to appreciate my kids better, and have more patience in caring for them everyday. I wish husband puts us first as priority and work second. oh but having said that, someone's leaving us for thailand for work, 3 days. and I need to find a distraction.

Anyhow I'm glad Riz is well now, and I hope his immune system will be better post admission. Here's to another year of positivity. cheers.

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